Upright

I used to hear the harmony

in my head back when I sang alto like a natural  

calling out the flat notes 

made me feel savvy and capable. 

I also played these notes on the upright piano my parents had rented for me 

it’s how I fell in love with music, humming melancholic melodies to myself at night 

but I loved the style of this upright as much as I loved the idea my mother went to the expense of having her daughter study music

tutored by nuns, no less

when I practiced, I hoped that despite the din and effervescent undercurrent in our house, that my father would hear the sweet sounds meant just for him

in conscientious discipline, 

seated upon the spinning stool 

I practiced hours for the school spring musical

tunes from “Carousel” without an ill-spent note

though I could have evoked a little more fourth-grade passion,  

appear more into it 

and not have worried so much about the lofty manner by which I dreamed piano 

taking the stage my first time wearing nylon stockings

kitten heels 

fancy flowered dress 

applause that made me feel like a rising, singing star

Metaphor

 

through my cat’s insistence

I telegraph regret

at my inability to save everyone. 

an inadequacy I should have accepted years earlier 

my sweet feline friend

cuddles with me on the living room sofa while I read

at night in bed,  

I sleep on my side 

he sleeps on me

he asks for nothing

vibrates a cure 

of self-forgiveness 

or so I like to imagine. 

here, boy, be the messenger 

take my mistakes

walk through a crowded room 

tail up, flagging the news 

desire and intention

my metaphor for

perfection in a hallway mirror,