The Egg

 

My mother was an egg

she hatched from a grandmother I never knew

so fragile, her shell cracked one day as she rested on a city stoop, clutching her chest

not as fragile, my mother beamed easy energy and a strong life force most would envy 

she knew that about herself 

once, as a child, I caught my mother lying on the sofa

dozing off in the middle of a summer afternoon

which seemed not quite right 

so I stopped her from napping by calling out her name as if I could prevent her from ever leaving

she knew she needed more time  

and she took it

she still had much to teach her children 

her daughters’ birthright, open access to her advice 

and there was me with my discerning heart, and big ears, and ever-calculating brain. I was just like her  

she lived by unspoken ideals: everything in life has potential for humor 

always wear a little makeup when you go out

make yourself presentable

pray

a cake is only good enough if you bake with the best ingredients 

don’t skimp on life whether it’s butter or love 

and the egg, future sons and daughters,

these are fragile days for mother and child

a shell stronger than you could ever imagine 

Metaphor

 

through my cat’s insistence

I telegraph regret

at my inability to save everyone. 

an inadequacy I should have accepted years earlier 

my sweet feline friend

cuddles with me on the living room sofa while I read

at night in bed,  

I sleep on my side 

he sleeps on my hip 

he asks for nothing

vibrates the cure 

of self-forgiveness 

or so I like to imagine. 

here, boy, be the messenger 

take my mistakes

walk through a crowded room spreading the news 

I am desire. pure intention

metaphor who longs for

perfection in a hallway mirror,

What We Thought We Would Be

No one coached me on the proper manner by which to make a bed, a rudimentary life task

but tidy corners have never been my thing. 

I can admit that now 

I really tried making sense of life together

but a woman begins to feel it

sooner or later

feel it or forget it I always say 

the sooner I realized,

the better for everyone involved

there’s a right way, a best path

call it what you want 

most of us have a goal or desire in mind at the start:

beauty and attraction

we’re so alike 

we get along 

we want the same things in life

and these days that’s saying something 

even if secretly we aren’t sure what those things are

still, the day arrives 

a pall is cast

an unmade bed

quiet reckoning

March Blizzard, 1958

We had a winter once. A family huddled around the stove.  

Living room chairs were dragged into the middle of a kitchen a way to capture warmth by fire. We played word games by candlelight “careful, don’t singe your hair,” said mother. 

My parents smiled for comfort

as they tucked small children into bed wearing their socks and coats as the snow cast its spell for 36 hours while the power grid tested its mettle. Until the sun returned. Come morning, we dressed in rubber boots and ill-fitting coats; marched out into the tallest snow bank our innocence ever would see. 

~~~~~

Don’t forget your mittens, ask your sister to help build an igloo as 

shelter against these uncertain elements. Prepare for the worst, little people, for a bigger storm comes your way. Try not to worry when the fire finally burns out, and God’s electricity is restored 

Gone, Not Gone

with all the world and hearts on fire

still, I sit here in my little grief

The Pear Tree

An off-cue moment of freedom                   make use of this space while there is calm

answers to be found

breathe in oxygen of coffee and incense

meditate, back straight, head in clouds 

sunlight presses upon my eyelids

open to bare swaying trees 

pruned for another cycle 

two birds alight on a limb

bound by northern winds

Life in Cat Years

In the overstuffed chair

I remember how you nestled

into a spiral, my favorite geometry those last nights

before you went away

mornings were always wild 

it was how you saw life, 

your job my alarm 

a bell rung on the farm

where coffee and eggs waited on chores, feed bowls, sparkling water

pretending you and your brother 

were not needy

more so, I saw essential meaning

for decades tended others of your kind

who so softly appeared

heartbreakingly departed 

a steady stream of maternal gems